he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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