I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
