I wanna bring you to show and tell
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
