you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
