If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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