Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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