If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
