My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
