just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
