Just fell off a train. Bad.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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