Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
