I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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