I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
