I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
