if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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