i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
