I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
