Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
