i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
