you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
