Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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