people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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