I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
