Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%

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  (415): If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49% http://tfl.nu/98jc
  Replies (14) Good night (966) Bad night (2343)
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  (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

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  (518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7
  Replies (37) Good night (18923) Bad night (1340)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"

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  (770): All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better" http://tfl.nu/pc1d
  Replies (15) Good night (4686) Bad night (1542)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall

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  (313): remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall http://tfl.nu/brex
  Replies (11) Good night (4397) Bad night (971)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy

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  (404): You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together (770): The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy http://tfl.nu/sw3w
  Replies (7) Good night (2943) Bad night (755)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?

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  (269): He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated? http://tfl.nu/6x14
  Replies (16) Good night (983) Bad night (3790)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila

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  (816): Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila http://tfl.nu/brdu
  Replies (4) Good night (1785) Bad night (679)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness

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  (503): He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness http://tfl.nu/9fad
  Replies (2) Good night (713) Bad night (459)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.

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  (919): so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow... (1-919): I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that. http://tfl.nu/ee0c
  Replies (0) Good night (1879) Bad night (490)
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  (987): View more from

  Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.

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  (987): Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes. http://tfl.nu/pzcq
  Replies (7) Good night (1139) Bad night (411)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.

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  (360): A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy. http://tfl.nu/u51s
  Replies (4) Good night (1437) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Not be drunk

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  (781): Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation (978): You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing (781): Not be drunk http://tfl.nu/0wwo
  Replies (1) Good night (656) Bad night (277)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.

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  (208): Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow. http://tfl.nu/loua
  Replies (3) Good night (712) Bad night (376)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation

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  (407): Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation http://tfl.nu/aq4y
  Replies (1) Good night (428) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?

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  (216): so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare? http://tfl.nu/vgfv
  Replies (3) Good night (590) Bad night (249)

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