He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just wanna be euthanized
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"