there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.