Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How does one acquire holy water?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
