I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
