i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
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im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
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Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.