I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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