I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She announced her abortion via fbk
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Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
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Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize