i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim