i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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