I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
