her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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