So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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