see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
