Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
