i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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