Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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