I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
