dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We are all done wearing pants today
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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