oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
