I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
