I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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