Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
