i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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