Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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