Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
