if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
