My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This baby is an asshole
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
