yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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