and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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