roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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