I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
