She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
