Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
