About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
