can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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