Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
