I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
