tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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