I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
