i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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