you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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