I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
