I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
