is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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