We won't sleep together?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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