dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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