On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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