dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.