He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda