He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
