I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.