we have officially lost it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
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New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.