You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Umm I'm too high to move.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE