The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.