Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.