Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.