so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks