Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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