i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
