what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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