my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
